BrittanyMakes

Reader beware, this is a long post! (FYI I’ve truncated this post for optimal loading)

Our baby boy, Zano, is 4 weeks old today.  I can’t believe how quickly these last 4 weeks have flown by.  In many ways he’s the same little infant that made his grand (for lack of a better word) appearance 4 weeks ago, and yet in so many other ways he feels like he’s about to apply to college.

Here we are, 2 weeks in! 

So, how’s motherhood going, you ask? Basically it’s come down to one thing: being a mom means you’re severely and constantly afraid about how quickly time is ticking by, and you always worry you’re not soaking up every moment enough.  It’s emotional torture to love something so much and be so afraid all the freakin’ time.

All in all, motherhood is total bliss. It’s a foggy, tiresome, bags-under-your-eyes-clothes-are-too-tight-bras-don’t-fit-super-sore-breasts-spit-up-in-your-hair heavenly bliss.  I seriously wouldn’t trade it for the world.

** READ MORE **

What’s excellent is he’s just started smiling at us, cooing a little and following us when we move about the room.  He’s starting to give back, and every smile and every messy burp makes the MR and I so dang happy.

So, how about this ‘grand’ entrance? Phew, it was rough, lemme tell ya.  Truthfully, 4 weeks ago seems like yesterday and yet the delivery feels soooo long ago.  I haven’t quite hit that moment where I’ve forgotten the pain of labor, it’s still very fresh, however I can say the details of labor and delivery are foggy at best.  I’m hoping I do forget the pain, because right now if you ask how many kids we plan to have, baby Zano is going to be an only child LOL!

Well, my due date was 5/24 and surprisingly labor started on my due date.  I started feeling contractions, which at the time we thought were go-time contractions, but turns out were suuuuper mild.  Being my first pregnancy, I really had no idea what to expect.  My doctor didn’t really advise us on what to look out for in terms of severity.  We were advised only to monitor the timing between contractions and the length of the contractions in order to dictate labor.  After 24 hours of monitoring these mild contractions, which were constant in duration and length and seemed to fit the equation, we decided to go to the hospital (which, might I add, is 30 minutes from our house).  I was monitored in triage for an hour, examined, and informed that I was only 1cm dilated.  UGH.  Time to go home.

We went home feeling a little silly about heading to the hospital so early.  They kept telling us “oh, you’ll KNOW when you’re in labor”, OK sure, whatever that meant.  We waited about a day and a half longer, the contractions continued and I also developed mild back labor.  We wanted to know how far I had progressed, so we went back to the hospital to get checked out.  Lo and behold, I was still 1 cm dilated.  UGH, talk about frustrating.  All the hospital could offer was a morphine shot to “help with the pain”.  I thought to myself super cocky-like, what, with these contractions? Nah I don’t need a morphine shot, they’re totally manageable, I’ve got a high pain tolerence.

I’ll spare you the details but basically during this last exam the doctor “got things going” so to speak.  I didn’t feel any different until we got home.  We got home from this visit around midnight, I remember it vividly.  I was in our sunroom ushering our puppy to her crate when I felt THE FIRST CONTRACTION.  It literally brought me to my knees, tears pouring down my face.  I was completely debilitated.  So much for having a high pain tolerance.

In our best attitude, we were super hopeful these newfound rediculously intense contractions would get things going fast enough to get admitted to the hospital.  I had 25 of these insane contractions in an hour, and we waited two hours before I couldn’t bare it any longer.  We went back to the hospital, surely I should have progressed enough to be admitted.

I was only 2 cm.

FML.

So, I asked for the morphine shot.

We headed home, I slept for 3 hours straight thanks to the morphine.  It is quick acting so it faded within 3 hours.  I spent the next 24 hours at home, in bed, absolutely unable to move, just enduring the contractions hoping something would happen.  My poor husband, he really had no clue how to help me.  Luckily my sister in law is an OBGYN doc, and she visited me twice that day to see how things were going.  I wasn’t progressing, but the pain was intolerable, no way these contractions were normal, no freakin’ way.  No way would billions of women give birth time and again after experiencing these contractions.  How we’re not all only children is beyond my comprehension.

We went back to the hospital, and if you’re keeping track, this was the 4th visit.  I was blind with pain, I hardly remember any details from this point forward.  I think my husband begged that they admit me.  I forgot to mention, our hospital (I won’t name names) operates under the idea that women in labor shouldn’t be admitted if they’re less than 4 cm.  I understand in practice this is to prevent the hospitl from being overly occupied with women not in “active” labor, but what about the women who are IN labor but are having issues progressing??? We asked them straight up, you’d have us go home when we’re in this much pain? Yes, they said. You’re not in active labor yet, this is normal.

I couldn’t get it out of my mind, this amount of pain couldn’t possibly be normal.

Miraculously, the hospital admitted me.  I think they were afraid of what my husband might do if they didn’t.  I don’t believe I was 4 cm, per their policy (for lack of a better term).  Right away they hooked me up to an IV, apparently I was dehydrated.  Next, they gave me an epidural, well, after I begged for one, and they broke my water. The epidural took quickly, it was incredible.  I was told everything would progress quickly and to just relax.

I wish I could say everything from here was gravy.  Unfortunately, my epidural (IV drip and all) wore off within 2 hours.  Excruciating contractions were back, and I had to start begging for another epidural.  First, they didn’t want to give me another one, they just pumped extra juice into my IV.  All this did was make my legs go completely numb.  All the contraction pain in my belly/abdomen was still in full force.  After an hour or two, we demanded a second epidural.  It took them an hour or so to send over the anesthesiologist to re-administer a second epidural, which they decided to pair with pitocin since after the 3-4 hours I had been at the hospital I had only moved from 4 to 5 cm.  Lord only knows why but the second epidural lasted even less time, and the fact I was now on pitocin, contractions were outrageously painful.  The doctor came back to examine me and they said I hadn’t made any progress after an hour’s worth of pitocin, which was not normal.  I was still 4-5 cm after ~5 hours of all they’ve done to help me. They still continued to say my labor pains were normal, that I wasn’t in “active” labor yet, and to sit tight.  How could I sit tight when everything was so excruciating? I wanted the baby out, and begged (yet again, there was a lot of begging going on that day) for a C-section.

It must be the hospital’s policy to warn their patients of all possible risks and side effects, because man did they do a good job trying to pursuade us NOT to elect for a C-section.  I was a hot mess, all I wanted was the baby out of my belly and the pain to end.  I had a feeling something wasn’t right, there was a reason I wasn’t progressing and why all pain medication wasn’t taking.  Finally they OK’d our request and called on the C-section.

The docs told us our options, we couldn’t take an epidural since it had already failed twice.  The other two options were 1) spinal or 2) general anesthesia.  We opted for the spinal so my husband could be in on the surgery.  The docs gave him a bee-keeper like suit to wear, told him to sit tight while they wheeled me into the operating room to administer the spinal.  They told him it would take ~15-20 minutes and then they would bring him in.

Like I said before, I was a hot mess, I couldn’t tell you how much time passed, but I swear the docs tried to administer the spinal 10+ times.  Three different anesthesiologists attempted to administer the spinal all the while I’m hunched over my belly on the operating table, contracting, trying my best to expose my spine without screwing things up.  If things weren’t bad enough, this was by far the worst part of the entire delivery.  After an hour of failed attempts, they notified my husband they’d have to give me general anesthesia in order to continue.  My poor husband was devastated, he couldn’t be a part of the birth, and neither could I.

This is the moment the story gets good.  My baby was born, at 4:12 on a Thursday afternoon.  I was unconscious but the pain was over and my son was happily in my husband’s arms.  It was sweet, the docs made sure since I couldn’t do it, that my husband had skin-to-skin time with the baby.  I wish I was awake to have seen it, to have seen the look on his face when he officially became a father.

They wheeled me back into the room, it took me a few minutes to really come-to, but once I did I was a hot mess for a whole new reason.  I saw my son for the first time, he was on my chest and my husband was by my face telling me just how perfect he was, and all I could do was sob in agreement.

You wouldn’t believe it, but after the surgery the surgeon came and told us our labor would have ended in a C-section either way.  Our baby’s head was cocked to the side aimed straight for my pelvis, which could have been the reason I wasn’t progressing.  He was also a ridiculous 9 lbs 9 oz, much to large for a birth canal.  Not gonna lie, it was quite validating to hear them say this.

Now I understand, every mother has her birth story and mine is no way the worst. I just wanted to share what I went through to bring my little man into this world.  It was a crazy experience, one I won’t ever forget, although I hope I do to some degree because everyone’s telling me he needs a brother or a sister.  Whoa Nelly.